


Black and Blue

by Lionna Mouri (Scifiroots)



Category: YuYu Hakusho
Genre: Episode Related, First Time, M/M, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-27
Updated: 2012-06-27
Packaged: 2017-11-08 17:19:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/445601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scifiroots/pseuds/Lionna%20Mouri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fairly short piece about Sensui and Itsuki around the time that Sensui's multiple personalities developed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Black and Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Rating: R, I debated with NC-17, but the sex scene is short and at the end.  
> Content: shonen-ai&yaoi (Itsuki/Shinobu -> implied little mention of Koenma/Shinobu), sorta angsty?, SPOILERS for some general info about Sensui ^_^;;
> 
> July 30, 2002  
> May 6, 2003

Rating: R, I debated with NC-17, but the sex scene is short and at the end.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

_You've been waiting a long time To fall down on your knees Cut your hands Cut yourself until you bleed Fall asleep next to me Wait for everyone to go away_ ~ "Black and Blue" by Counting Crows

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

 

"There is no decent being here," he said softly, sorrowful eyes openly bitter and sad as he stared from the middle of a huge puddle of blood. "There is not one deserving to be called human."

_~{I think it was at that time my heart fully was captured by him. There had been something in the gaze before, or maybe something had been missing ... in any case, his eyes had taken on a jaded look that twisted my heart in such a way that I knew I would never leave this man. I hadn't been sure I'd keep with him, before that, but his expression... he had just wakened from a nightmare that he then found out to be real.}~_

His knees finally gave out and the boy collapsed, staring at all the blood covering him and now drenching his hands and knees as he stayed there, something still going into shock inside him. Slowly the only other being alive came forward from the doorway, his feet silent and pace steady. " **Don't**!" The youkai's feet stayed themselves, only a foot short of the bloody mess. "Don't..." the boy whispered, slowly turning his face upwards to search concerned golden eyes. "I don't want it to touch you."

"Come to me..." the youkai requested softly. His arms opened, beckoning like a mother to a child. "You don't have to stay there."

The boy shook his head, laughing suddenly. "But it's my mess! Should I just leave it like this?" One bloody hand rubbed against his face, smearing more of the red substance onto his beautifully tanned skin. "Itsuki..." he whispered, voice pleading with a tint of fear, "I can't reach you..."

_~{In one instant both the assassin and emotional girl were born, one right after the other. What their connection was, or is, I'm not convinced I have ever figured it out. All I know is that I would do anything for that girl. Her fearful voice called to me just after he had told me to stay back. I wanted to help her, I always do. I love her, too.}~_

"Shinobu, come to me," he tried again. Blue eyes found him and he begged silently, knowing that he needed to comfort the awkward emotions that were tangled up in the boy's eyes. "Come here," Itsuki whispered, his voice catching slightly just as he felt the first hot tears building in his eyes. 

_~{I never really cried before. Even then I wasn't sure how, but he moved me so much in that instant. In the middle of blood and gore surrounding him, as far as twenty feet away and as close as on his skin, he looked so lost. He didn't belong there, he never really had. I hated the Reikai in that instant, hated it more than I knew I could ever feel. I hated Koenma for sending us here, for exposing this boy to such things. I hated so much, but I loved him better from that moment on.}~_

He came, crawling slowly through the disgusting mess. The youkai went down to his knees, arms still reaching out, waiting for the instant when the boy would be close enough to touch. "Itsuki...!" Shinobu fell against him heavily, arms hanging to either side of Itsuki'ships and face buried against a pale shoulder.

"Shh... daijoubu..." The youkai closed his eyes and laid his cheek against the black hair matted with blood. His embrace was firm about the boy, refusing to let him go. "We'll leave, now. We don't have to go back... Daijoubu." He stood up, pulling his companion with him. Shinobu leaned heavily against him but he easily supported the weight. With one hand he cupped a tan cheek and gazed into blue irises. Hesitantly he kissed the edge of the boy's mouth, licking away a thicker layer of blood gathered there before pulling back.

_~{I had never kissed him before. I had wanted to long before I did, and when I first did, I didn't particularly want to. Nothing went badly, I admit, but it never left an impression on me, or him, as I think it should have. He was so very young, then, and seemed so that night, more than ever, to truly be nothing but a boy. That night may be called his last night of innocence, the few hours before those other characters were built and I would find my beloved Shinobu lost to me far more often than I'd like.}~_

"Where are we going?"

"Wherever you want."

They were a few miles from the villa by that time, pulling themselves away from the flames that had leaped eagerly to life after Shinobu knocked down all the candelabras lining the hallways.

Blue eyes darkened. "Not Reikai," he uttered.

"No," Itsuki agreed. He paused at the base of an uprooted tree, studying the gnarled, long roots that struck high towards the sky, defying their usual nature. 

"I don't know where to go..." Shinobu's voice had taken on a softer tone again as he stared up at the darkening sky, watching as the clouds moved along slowly. He was still covered in the blood of humans and demons. Itsuki watched him and suddenly felt ill at the sight; he felt something akin to anger rise up in him.

"Take off your clothes," the youkai demanded, walking towards the boy with determined eyes.

Startled, Shinobu stared at him a moment, "What?"

Biting back a cry, Itsuki tugged at the sleeves of the dark sweatshirt. Shinobu complied, albeit slightly confused, and pulled it over the human's head. "Get them off," Itsuki whispered harshly, throwing the sweatshirt into the brush and turning back. 

"I don't need your help!" Shinobu snapped. He took a step back, staring wide-eyed at Itsuki, looking wild and mad in a terrifying moment before looking shocked himself.

Itsuki stayed where he was, expression quickly closing after the initial sting. He should have thought more clearly and not invaded his companion’s space, but the blood on those clothes were disturbing him so much... Thinking of that again, he kept back his queasiness. "Get it off..." he said softly without feeling.

Looking down at himself, Shinobu seemed to finally realize what had affected Itsuki so much. He nodded slightly before disappearing down the side of the slope ahead, looking for the river they had caught glimpses of earlier. As he left, Itsuki leaned heavily against the fallen tree, pressing the palm of his hand against his face. "Why didn't I think? Gomen nasai, Shinobu..."

At the water's edge Shinobu stripped off his pants and threw them across the bank. Shoes and underwear he let be lying against a rock when he headed into the water. Immediately he began to scrub furiously at his legs, but seeing his filthy arms was distracting and began working on those. From the river bottom he retrieved a handful of pebbles and mud and scraped them over his skin, working at the old, sticking blood that didn't want to come off. Cursing quietly, he rubbed harder, holding back tears of frustration as the horrors of the day returned to him. Gods, why wasn't the blood coming off?

"Stop... please." Gently hands caught each of his wrists and Shinobu opened his eyes, not having realized he had closed them. Golden irises captivated him, their clearness washing him with concern and worry. "You're hurting yourself," Itsuki murmured, looking down abruptly to look at the arms he held. Shinobu looked down too, slowly becoming aware of the slight sting that came from many tiny cuts along his arms and hands. 

Itsuki's soft, pale touch ran along his left forearm, studying the wounds. His other hand let loose the other arm and cupped water to run over the new spills of blood. The red thinned out and washed away. When he was done with one arm he moved to the other and did the same, conducting his careful study and then rinsing away the redness. When he was finished, he pulled the boy's hand up towards his face and leaned against it, eyes closing momentarily.

"Don't hurt yourself," he whispered, lips barely moving. His eyes opened again and met Shinobu's. "I can't bear it if you do."

Taking his hand away from the smooth, gentle face, Shinobu studied it, wondering at the warmth and tingling sensation he felt there. He realized, quite suddenly, that Itsuki was barely a foot from him and naked as well, his expanse of white chest fully revealed to the dying sunlight. Upon meeting his gaze again, Shinobu recognized that he had given in to some question that he hadn't even been fully aware was asked. All he knew was that Itsuki began to bring water to his face and rub gently. He felt the stickiness begin to peel away and remembered about the blood there. With great care the youkai worked away all the blood marring the beautiful face.

"Your hair..." Itsuki started, and after a brief pause added, "your legs...?"

Shinobu turned and started towards a grouping of flat river rocks on one side of the bank. He glanced behind him to note that Itsuki hadn't moved, but was watching and waiting silently. He worked to find the words, then finally asked, "Help me?"

The youkai looked both relieved and surprised at once, a soft smile crossing his lips as he started forward towards the shallower water. Shinobu knelt in front of one of the rocks as Itsuki came up behind him and took a seat on the half-submerged stone. Stretching his legs out, he guided Shinobu's head back over one of his knees so that his hair fell beneath the water but most of his face was above. With careful fingers he eased apart bloody tangles and knots. He loved the feel of the black strands running between his fingers freely. He worked even after the sun finally set and then ran his fingers longingly through the crop of hair as Shinobu silently stared up at the early stars. 

"Are you finished?" the human wondered aloud.

Quickly Itsuki retracted his fingers and nudged Shinobu's head back up. "H-hai... gomen."

Shinobu turned around to look up at Itsuki, catching a fleeting glimpse of longing he had seen in those golden eyes before. He rested a hand on the pale knee floating before him and studied the contrast of their skin tones in the moonlight. Such perfect alabaster skin, unbroken, no scars to speak of. No wounds from their assignment, no filth.

"Shinobu," came the quiet voice. The boy looked up again to acknowledge his companion. "I'll set up camp." He slid off the rock, immersing himself back in the water to his upper thighs. "There's still... on your legs," he reminded before heading towards the bank where a pile of his clothes lay next to what Shinobu had kept.

From the river the boy watched the youkai's body disappear underneath the water again as he swam across the middle and then reappear as he stood in the shallower water. Inch by inch, alabaster skin reemerged to glisten with the combination of water droplets and moonlight. Water trailed temptingly off his sides and hips and traced down the cleft of a firm buttocks. Turning away when Itsuki stood on land again and bent over to pick up his clothing, Shinobu moved further downstream and pulled himself up onto a rock. He leaned over and began working at the remaining blood staining his legs. Recalling the gentle touch of his youkai companion, he missed it being applied now to get rid of the filth.

Itsuki gathered together a small stock of wood and sticks for a fire and set that up while only wearing the outer tunic of his outfit so as to dry before putting on anything else. Once the fire started he looked back towards the river, noting Shinobu's form upon a rock one long leg drawn up as he rubbed away what had covered him so completely little more than an hour ago. Feeding the fire another twig, he realized that they had no food. He didn't mind so much, but he wasn't sure about Shinobu. He considered the issue while slipping on his billowy shirt and putting on the tunic again, tying the clothing about him with his sash. Next to Shinobu's small pile he folded his pants before slipping off to search for something for the boy to eat.

Shortly after Itsuki disappeared, Shinobu came ashore, body now clean of blood. His eyes swept the small campsite quickly, looking for signs of Itsuki, but the youkai was nowhere to be found. Rather upset at his discovery, the boy turned to grab his shorts and shoes, only to come across the pale pair of pants easily recognizable as Itsuki's. He frowned, but slipped on the extra article of clothing; they were just a little short, and looked a bit awkward on him since his usual look was tight jeans. He took a moment to feed the fire and then paced around in its light, watching out for Itsuki.

"Where are you?" he whispered after waiting for a number of long minutes. He knew Itsuki wouldn't run off and leave him behind, but he didn't know where the youkai was, and currently he was desperate for company. He needed his friend and companion, to know there was someone yet to trust, someone who was better than what he had witnessed that day. "Itsuki!" he shouted.

An owl swooped across the sky on silent wings, only its faint shadow giving it away. Shinobu turned, listening for the sounds of returning feet. "Itsuki!" His hands fisted in his hair as he clenched his eyes shut tightly, the images burned behind his eyelids of humans tearing apart demons as they pleased and bathing in their blood, stinking of it. The laughter rang in his ears, along with the demonic cries and screams, even pleads for mercy. Shinobu shook from the memory of it all and fell to one knee weakly, whispering, "Itsuki..."

"Shinobu?"

Slowly he regained focus, the memories fading to mere smoke-images and the sounds faltering into silence. A few meters away he saw Itsuki standing, looking worried as he held the front of his tunic in a gather, carrying something. At first relieved, Shinobu gave a faltering smile, but the recollection of the beginning of panic turned up anger within him. "Where were you?" he demanded, getting to his feet.

Itsuki's expression cooled again, nearly closing up. He came forward and revealed what he had managed to gather - some berries, a handful of nuts, and a few plants with their edible roots waiting to be cleaned. "I wasn't sure if you were hungry."

"You could have asked me!" the boy snapped. He swung his hand at the youkai, knocking the collection of food across their small campsite. "You have to tell me where you go!"

The youkai looked away from the scattered food and studied Shinobu's face seriously, wondering at the change in voice, the more aggressive lines appearing on the boy's face. "Well?"

Shinobu was calming slightly, yet still looked uptight. "Well what?"

"Are you hungry?" Itsuki asked quietly, lowering his eyes in response to the fierce gaze.

Frowning, Shinobu reached his fingers out to tilt the chin upward, trying to find the golden eyes again. Itsuki met his demands and left his eyes open and free for inspection. "Why do you look away?"

"I don't like to see you angry..." Itsuki admitted at the same volume as before.

"I'm not..." Shinobu slowly shook his head, trying to clear his muddled mind. "It's just been a rough day." He dropped his hand and walked away, crouching by the river and picking out flat stones to try and skip across its surface.

He heard Itsuki moving behind him, doing what, he wasn't sure. He tried to find words to apologize, but they didn't fit, and he couldn't even correct things by admitting he wanted something to eat because he still felt the queasiness of all that blood.

"Shinobu, maybe you should take a rest." 

He didn't turn around to reply. "I would not trust to be left alone by nightmares."

Silence followed for a few moments as Shinobu stared skyward again, studying the endless specks of starlight. "I will ensure they do not harm you," Itsuki offered.

Shinobu turned his head back then, and held his breath in surprise. The youkai had laid out a spread of long fern fronds on the ground to create a semi-level mat to sleep on. Night-blooming angel trumpets had been uncovered nearby and Itsuki had even picked one to tuck into his hair. The turquoise-haired youkai now lay on his side on the mat, wearing only his loose shirt; the sash and tunic discarded nearby. He watched Shinobu silently, his golden eyes alert, waiting. His fingers playing with the flower in his hair betrayed a hint of nervousness

"Okay," the boy finally whispered. He stood and slowly walked over, keenly aware that Itsuki's eyes were on him the entire time. 

Carefully he lowered himself onto the mat beside Itsuki, lying on his side facing the youkai. His own face was in shadows, but the youkai's shimmered with the light from the fire reflecting from the smooth, pale skin. They studied each other as they lay there together, getting reacquainted with the other's features, as if trying to recheck their memory to ensure the other was really who they claimed to be.

"I like your hair down," Shinobu told Itsuki softly. The youkai half-smiled and began to sit up, to undo the tie, when Shinobu stopped him. "I'll do it." He reached into the colored hair and undid the tie holding the silky strands of hair up and out of the way. When settling down again, the boy tugged a section of turquoise to fall over the alabaster neck. Itsuki smiled at him

Shinobu pulled off a smile as well as he played with the strands of hair beneath his fingertips. His blue gaze altered from golden half-closed eyes to his fingers and the silk held between them. Finally he rested his open hand at the junction of the youkai's neck and shoulder, resting protectively over the hair gathered beneath. Itsuki's hand raised to join his and covered the tan hand. With a gentle pull he guided the boy's hand further beneath his shirt still covering his shoulder. His golden gaze flickered away to watch their hands, not confident enough to meet the questioning blue gaze.

"I'll do anything, Shinobu," he promised softly. "I'll do anything at all, for you. I'll follow you wherever. I'll never leave unless you want me to." He held the other's hand against his breast where his heart beat and finally met the boy's gaze again. "I swear," he whispered to the point of almost not being heard, "I love you."

Silently Shinobu stared at the sincere golden gaze, searching for anything that would give a hint to any part of what the youkai had just stated to be untrue. There were no falsities. He was convinced Itsuki meant everything he said, and somehow that made the growing pain in his heart worse. Shinobu moved his hand to the lovely face before him, cupping the upturned cheek and smoothing his thumb across it. Itsuki's fingers still lingered on the back of his palm.

"Thank you," was uttered before Shinobu gently touched his lips against the youkai's, slightly intimidated at the possibilities that could be born from this. Itsuki replied carefully, taking care to urge the boy on without rushing forward. As their lips continued to meet, moving against each other, the youkai wrapped his arm about Shinobu, pressing him closer with gentle urging. The boy responded better than expected and moved to be immediately next to the far paler being and wrapped his well-toned arms about his companion.

_~{I'll do anything for Shinobu. I swear, I always love him.}~_

The typical teenage hormones and curiosity didn't abandon the sixteen-year-old and with one hand he slipped beneath Itsuki's shirt and pet the flesh of his back and sides, slowly moving lower. His hand smoothed over the rounded backside before pressing his hips forward along with moving the youkai's towards him. Their continuing kisses broke for a few moments while both gasped quietly at the electricity that shot through their bodies.

Rolling Itsuki onto his back, Shinobu rested himself on his elbows and looked down at the youkai beauty. The unclasped shirt did little to cover the pale being anymore, one side loose and lying fully open while the other side's edge covered a small diagonal piece of his chest and the end just slightly covered the junction of his legs. Turquoise spilled behind the youkai's head, framing the face with perfect beauty. Golden eyes gazed up at him, their expression full of emotion, giving the go ahead for whatever Shinobu wished. The absolute power of that took the boy's breath away and he was scared for a moment, fearing the emotions tumbling inside him and the warmth low in his gut. 

To reassure himself, Shinobu met Itsuki's lips again, their mouths opening to meet and slowly Itsuki's tongue snuck out to taste and tease the other's lips. Enjoying the new game, Shinobu's tongue sought out the other's and twisted against it, molding to it, loving it. Itsuki's fingers ran through the short crop of black hair, petting through the still damp strands.

"I want to..." the boy started, reaching down and scarcely touching the youkai's shaft, making Itsuki whimper slightly and roll his hips up, "but I don't know how..."

The youkai cleared his head, smiling again as the sweat began breaking out on his face. He took one of Shinobu's hands and kissed its palm. "Let me," he murmured, inching himself lower and tugging one of Shinobu's legs to the other side of his body. Slowly, so as not to upset the balance they had managed to achieve, Itsuki undid the simple fastening on the pants he was lending to the boy. Hearing a soft gasp from Shinobu, he reached one of his hands around to rub the boy's back. "I'll stop. I'll do anything..." he repeated. 

Once again settled, Itsuki eased his hands into the pants from the sides and slid them down. Both amused and pleased, he noted the absence of Shinobu's underwear that had been lying out earlier. The boy was breathing faster, the night air now brushing against his stiffening cock. Carefully Itsuki positioned himself and breathed against the sensitive flesh, nuzzling against the young manhood. Closing his eyes, he kissed along Shinobu's length, sucking gently on occasion. He made a trail with his tongue along the underside of the shaft and felt Shinobu shudder above him. Teasingly he kissed the tip and flicked his tongue over it before going back to kissing the length of the shaft again. When he went back to kiss the tip again, Shinobu bucked against him, finding his way into the youkai's mouth. Itsuki easily adjusted and moved against the cock, tongue adding to the play. Above him the boy could barely hold himself up as he gave gasps and moans of pleasure, crying out from time to time.

_~{I knew I wasn't exactly the first lover of this boy. I had my assumptions and rumors to go by as to a few times of "play" a certain Tantei and his instructor were involved in. Even so, Shinobu at that time was as much of a virgin as he could ever have been and it made that sole night all the more meaningful. When I said I wanted to be his lover, I meant Shinobu. There was only the one time, one night, with him when I attempted to turn his thoughts to something better, to a different hope, but that was all there was between he and I. Not that his other personalities and I weren't involved, we certainly were, but more often than not it was purely physical, out of his needs; or the love-making was one-sided, with the true sense of "love" coming from one of us only.}~_

Shinobu came with a soft cry, pressing into the youkai's mouth as he did. Itsuki swallowed what sticky semen he could before moving his mouth away, breathing for more air, and moving himself back up so that when Shinobu let himself go the boy lay sprawled over his body. He pet the black hair again, glad to know the boy had been pleased. After a few moments of recovery, the boy was pushing himself up again to gaze at Itsuki in wonderment. He caught sight of a strand of white seed at the corner of the youkai's mouth and brushed it away with his thumb before heatedly kissing the youkai.

Throughout the night they engaged in a slow, almost ritualistic act of loving one another. The physical connection added something to the relationship that made it seem far more real than the nightmares of the day. Near dawn Itsuki found himself the only one awake as he held close the young man who was now his lover. His pale fingers drifted through the black strands of hair as his thoughts wandered restlessly.

Eventually he slipped into sleep, resting fitfully until some hours later. 

Upon opening his eyes, Itsuki found himself lying alone with the shirt he had discarded last night resting over him. He sat up slightly, leaning his weight on his elbow. The fire had been rebuilt and in the river he could see Shinobu’s outline. He was content to wait and watch.

Finally Shinobu slipped back onto shore. Itsuki smiled gently as he watched his lover approach, never prepared for the drastically different look on the teen’s face. The youkai’s smile faltered as Shinobu crouched down beside him and kissed him fiercely. 

When they parted, Itsuki asked quietly, “Shinobu…?” 

The boy’s eyebrows knitted together in frustration. “Don’t call me that,” he whispered harshly.

Itsuki touched the face in amazement, trailing his fingers down the side of the tanned face. What had… Something had changed within the Shinobu he had always known. He recalled the unusualities of the day before and on some level it clicked, he understood that the Shinobu he had known had slipped into a part of his mind that Itsuki would not be able to reach.

As the human teen stood up to get dressed, Itsuki slipped on his shirt, eyes averted. After long moments of silence he looked up at Sensui Shinobu. “I will do anything for you.”

Sensui looked at him with his amazingly sky blue eyes, expression blank. Itsuki held his hurt at bay, wishing for the look of passion and emotion he had seen before.

“I love you Shi-… Sensui. I am yours.”

Slowly a smile crawled across the tanned face and the eyes lit up in a way they never had before. Itsuki’s mouth opened partially, preparing to speak, but no words came. In his mind he could still hear Shinobu’s soft cries of pleasure followed by a whispered admission:

_“I love you, Itsuki… I need you…”_

_‘I’ll never leave you… I promise…’_

**Author's Note:**

> ANs: I know it’s sort of an odd fic… (very odd) but I like it. I wanted to explore Sensui and Itsuki and how a relationship between them may have started. I love these two characters and wish I could find more fan works for them. (Hint, hint, nudge, nudge.)


End file.
